Ten miles.

Yesterday, I ran. Ten miles with my friend Leslie. It was a different kind of run--long, but just for the sake of running long. Nothing specific beeping menacingly on the race radar. Just running for the sake of running. Just to celebrate being alive on Christmas Eve. Running to celebrate the holidays, when many things about them make it difficult to celebrate. Running to just be. In the moment. In my head. In the presence of greatness. In the presence of God. Just in it, whatever it may be.

We began the run laughing at ourselves. At the ridiculousness of what we looked like. At the ridiculousness of my bright ideas. At ourselves, period. Then we talked a little bit, then we got kind of quiet. Then we chatted a little more, only really complaining the first mile or so. It was an out and back route and halfway didn't really feel like halfway. I just kept waiting for the really hard part to start. It didn't. But the rain did. A few drops at first, and then a little harder. Then pouring, slanted rain that made us duck our heads. And for some reason this made us smile.

So we quietly ran in the pelting rain and I prayed--as I often do when I run alone. I prayed for Leslie. I thanked God that she lets me talk her into doing hard stuff and appreciates it. I thanked God for the people in my life who love me. My friends who say the right words, and when they don't have the right ones, just say something. I thanked God for hard lessons, scary false alarms, great conversations, everyday miracles, and once in a lifetime opportunities. I thanked God for loving me when I've been unlovable, and showing me how to love someone who refuses to love me back. I thanked God for a husband who walks beside me, but pushes me out the door to run alone. I thanked Him for the blessings of life and the miracle of death. I thanked Him for giving me strength, showing me grace, and just being. I thanked Him for squishy shoes and the opportunity to breathe deeply just one more day when had it been up to me, I probably would have given up years ago. I thanked Him for not being a giving up kind of God. I thanked Him for being my God.