"The Gift of Going Second"

There is something that happens in a person's life when they are given Permission to Speak Freely.  This is the title of a book by Anne Jackson that I just finished reading. It is a book about church and how often there is a lack of Church in churches. It is about how we all have these things in our lives, these shames and hurts that we carry. You know, the one thing you feel like you can't say in the church. We all have these things that are preventing us from not only speaking freely, but more importantly, living freely.

Toward the end of the book, she talks about the idea of The Gift of Going Second--most simply put, it is the idea that if one person will find the courage, take the chance of being the first to bear their heart, then they will give The Gift of Going Second. The person who hears will be given the gift of courage to speak their own heart, hurts, shames. To confess. And once given the gift, they may then have the courage to pass it on. What a profoundly simple idea. One filled with freedom, yet requiring courage we may not think we can even possess.

I've been given The Gift of Going Second several times in my life by some courageously generous friends. Friends who for whatever reason, felt compelled to share something intimate and painful. Something that was probably much bigger and scarier in their heads and hearts until they spoke the truth aloud. But their gifts began to heal my heart, change my life. And without knowing what to call it, I've also given The Gift of Going Second. I've seen how telling my own truth can empower someone to speak their own. To find freedom from the bondage of a secret. Or a lie someone told them about who they are. My friend Megan has told me more than once that I hold a key to unlocking hearts. And I wondered what made me different than anyone else. But the truth is, nothing. I'm just like everyone else. But someone gave me the key as a Gift of Going Second. And without knowing what to call it, I understood how to use it and why I needed to. We all hold the key to unlock each other's hearts, and what an honor that by doing so, we "get to carry each other." What a privilege.

At the end of her book, Jackson says:

"Don't let fear stop you. Somebody is waiting on you to tell your story. To share how you are being rescued. To share how scary it is but how beautiful it is. Someone is waiting for the little ounce of courage that your voice can give them, so they can begin to find their own piece of freedom. And even beyond that, somebody is waiting on that  person. It all can really begin with you. So take a step. Confess the beautiful and broken. It happens one word at a time. I don't think on this side of heaven you'll ever become completely fearless--but you can act courageously in spite of that fear. So speak. Freely. The world needs you."

The world does need you. Eternity hinges on our willingness to be The Church even though church may have failed us. Especially because it failed us. And maybe when we are too scared to speak, we only need to revisit a fretful night in a garden. A night that changed everything when words were spoken by The One who gave the ultimate gift when He chose to go first. Words whispered, softly, but with trust that there will be freedom on the other side of fear and anguish, on the other side of darkness: "Not my will, but Thine." There is light and freedom in the spoken word.

Use the key. These are our words we have been given to speak freely to each other.