I just want to run!

I spent my summer on a bike. I put in a ridiculous amount of miles without ever leaving my bedroom. So when I laced up my running shoes Monday evening, I did so with great trepidation. Monday was my first day back running in preparation for the San Antonio Rock-n-Roll Half-Marathon in November. That run proved to be one of my hardest ever. Without making excuses, I choose to believe my nasty fall in the shower on Saturday contributed to the painful nature of that run. I mean, I may not be in running shape, but I am in some sort of condition and when a three miler makes your wrist throb with pain, you have to assume there are outside factors to consider.

So I spent Monday night on ice, and Tuesday on the bike. By Wednesday, I was lacing up my shoes for a slightly longer run. This time, I decided I would actually listen to my body. I was a little worried about my run, but I also had a bunch of other "life" stuff on my mind. I was distracted and weighed down to say the least. But I was blessed with an amazing conversation with my friend Leslie on the way to run. By the time we got off the phone, I wanted to exchange my 4.5 miler for a six. I was pumped. Leslie is one of four people in my life who have recently made incredible health changes. They have lost and continue to lose large amounts of weight; weight they all gained for different reasons, but they are all losing because they decided to take back their bodies and take care of themselves. Who can't be inspired by that sort of decision?

As I set out on the road for my warm up, I found myself smiling as I thought about Leslie and her inspired proclamation on the phone: "I just have to run!" I wanted to just take her with me even though she was many miles away. So she went with me in spirit, and I thought about her, and Jamie, and Pearlene, and Frank...some of my very favorite people in the world. People who are choosing to live very full lives, even though life has not been especially easy on them. And I decided I would live the way they do. I will no longer use running as a way to escape my demons. Because that is what I did. And there is a huge difference between running away from something scary and painful, and running toward something good and pure.

And though in the past, running has humbled me in ways I choose not recap here, I am no longer running to beat my body into submission, I am running to empower it. And even though every run will not feel as awesome as yesterday's, I know that every run is making me stronger. Making me a clearer, more defined version of myself. That is definitely something I WANT to run toward.